The incident involving Nigerian businessman 𝗠𝗿 𝗧𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝗘𝗹𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗹𝘂 and a 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗲(UBA Group), has sparked a heated conversation across social media. What began as a brief interaction quickly became a subject of debate on X, Facebook and other social platforms, with Nigerians taking different sides. Some argued that the young woman was simply communicating in a modern professional environment, while others felt that addressing an older and highly respected Nigerian by his first name crossed a cultural line.




But perhaps this conversation is bigger than Tony Elumelu. It is a conversation about us, our culture and what we are teaching the next generation about respect.

In Africa, particularly in Nigeria, respect for elders is deeply rooted in our culture. Growing up, you were taught that you don't simply call an older person by their first name.

√ You say Sir.
√ You say Ma,
√ You say Daddy,
√ You say Mummy,
√ You say Uncle,
√ You say Aunty, etc

Sometimes, these titles are used even when the person is not related to you.

𝗪𝗵𝘆?

Because respect is not merely about vocabulary. It is about recognising age, experience, position and the place someone occupies in society. Our parents taught us to greet elders properly. We were taught not to interrupt them carelessly, not to speak to them anyhow and not to address them in the same manner we addressed our age mates.
These were not simply rules designed to make young people feel inferior. They were part of a cultural system built around courtesy, humility and communal living. And I don't think we should be so quick to throw that away, but there must be a balance.

Note, respect should never become a weapon. Being older does not automatically make someone right about everything. Also being a boss does not give you permission to treat younger employees anyhow. Being an elder does not mean younger people should tolerate humiliation, exploitation or abuse simply because they are expected to “respect their elders.”




𝗥𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗠𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗪𝗼𝗿𝗸 𝗕𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗪𝗮𝘆𝘀
~ An elder can correct a younger person without humiliating them.

~ A manager can correct an intern without destroying their confidence.

~ A senior colleague can demand professionalism without abusing their authority.

~ And a leader can establish boundaries without making someone feel worthless.



Furthermore, to the younger generation, we need to have an honest conversation too.

In our attempt to be modern, globally exposed and "𝘄𝗼𝗸𝗲" we sometimes begin to treat our own cultural values as backward. We see people in Western workplaces calling their CEOs by their first names. We see employees casually calling senior executives “John,” “David” or “Sarah", etc Then we assume that doing the same automatically makes us more professional, no it doesn't.

We should understand that, different cultures have different social codes. You can be globally minded and still understand African etiquette.

~ You can work for an international company and still know when “Sir” or “Ma” is appropriate.

~ You can be confident without being disrespectful.

~You can be modern without abandoning your upbringing.

~ And you can challenge authority without insulting the person who holds the authority.



Most-times, , the most professional thing to do when you are unsure is simply to start formally.
~ Say “Good morning, sir.”

~ Say “Good afternoon, ma.”

Use the person's title. If they tell you, "Please, call me Tony," then you have your answer.

Sweetheart, that small courtesy costs you nothing.


𝗛𝗼𝘄𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿, elders also need to understand the changing world.

𝗗𝗮𝗱𝗱𝘆, 𝘁he younger generation is entering workplaces that are increasingly global. 𝗦𝗶𝗿, they communicate with people from different countries.
𝗠𝗮, they can now work remotely(from their rooms, houses, schools), etc
They interact through Slack, Teams, Zoom, LinkedIn and other international platforms, which you may not have heard of. They are entering organisations where hierarchy may be deliberately reduced to encourage openness, collaboration and innovation.

So, 𝗱𝗮𝗱𝗱𝘆, not every unfamiliar behaviour is necessarily intentional disrespect. Sometimes, it is a difference in cultural understanding. 𝗢𝗿, it is simply inexperience. And that is where (𝘆𝗼𝘂)elders and senior professionals have an important responsibility.

𝗠𝗮, 𝗦𝗶𝗿,
~ Teach
~ Correct
♥︎ Don't just condemn.

~ A young person can be wrong without being a bad person.

~ A graduate trainee can make an etiquette mistake without being arrogant.

~ Correction should create understanding, not humiliation.

~ We don't have to choose between culture and modernity, etc




This is where I believe the conversation should ultimately lead.

We can preserve the beautiful parts of African culture while adapting to a changing world.

~ Young people can respect elders.
~Elders can respect young people.
~Young professionals can learn from experience without being intimidated by authority.
~Senior professionals can exercise authority without abusing it.

We can continue saying 𝗦𝗶𝗿, 𝗠𝗮, 𝗗𝗮𝗱𝗱𝘆, 𝗠𝘂𝗺𝗺𝘆, 𝗕𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 and 𝗦𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗿, without creating a society where age gives someone permission to mistreat another person.

And we can embrace modern workplaces without throwing away every value our parents taught us.

✦ Because respect is not weakness.
✦ And modernity is not disrespect.




𝗙𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆,

To the younger generation:
Let's not become so eager to appear "𝘄𝗼𝗸𝗲" that we forget where we come from.

~Not every tradition is "𝗮𝗿𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗶𝗰 "
~Not every form of hierarchy is "𝘁𝗼𝘅𝗶𝗰"
~Not every act of courtesy means you are "𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿".

Sometimes, saying “Sir” is simply saying, I recognise you.



And to the older generation:
Let's not use culture as a shield for bad behaviour.
Respect should never mean, I am older, therefore I can do whatever I want. It should mean, I am older, therefore I should also know how to treat people with dignity.



Perhaps that is the balance Nigeria needs.
√ Keep the respect.

√ Keep the culture.

√ Keep the courtesy.

But let us also keep the dignity of every human being.

Because ultimately, respect should not be about who is more powerful. It should be about how we choose to treat one another.